How would the next few weeks or even months play out?
No one could tell us, we couldn’t predict, but we sure could hope. HOPE for the best possible outcome from a decision that weighed solely on our shoulders.
The one hour drive was a long silent one, like both of us were to scared to even imagine or say out loud what if this were to go all wrong?
Before we knew it, it was D day número 1.
Before the crack of dawn we walked our way to the Royal Women’s with EXCITMENT just oozing from us both. Who was this little bump, what will we call bump? So much to be happy about!
In we go ready for this sweet little miracle to be born. Then we heard HIM, it’s a boy and most importantly he is SCREAMING, what a relief!
Baby “Alfie Phillip Alford” brought into the world way to soon!
I didn’t get to touch or even see him before he was wheeled away in his incubator.
While I recovered on the ward Cam sat by Alfie’s side relaying back to me everything he was told by doctors. Alfie was doing well what a relief our little dude taking his early arrival all in his stride.
10 hours later cam wheeled me around to NIcU so I could FINALLY met my little man. Only I was way to high on pain killers to even see straight (I have a very very low threshold for pain killers ) as much as I wanted to see Alfie I just needed to be in bed.
So the next morning I was up and at them ready to met him.
He was amazing so so tiny (for me, apparently a “big baby” for NICU) with a head full of hair and the cutest little button nose.
The first week is much of a blur filled with pumping, pumping and more pumping! Ohh the sound of that machine in the middle of the night is not fun when there is no cute baby by your side.
My time split between Alfie and the kids! It was a full on time I worried the kids felt left out, I worried I wasn’t dividing myself equally.
Before I knew it, it was my big day. People kept asking me how I was feeling, was I nervous, scared? And I found my self just agreeing because honestly I felt nothing but I knew that I should. It really wasn’t bothering me in the slightest. Maybe because I just knew it had to be done, there was no way around it! I’m not sure but I just wasn’t concerned at all.
In I went breast pump in hand with not the slightest nerve just calmness!
12 hours later I laid eyes on mum and Cam I gave them a big wave just to let them know I’m ok!
And within 30minutes I’m back to being mum and pumping for my beautiful little Alfie cause I be damned if surgery is going to get in the way of me giving him the best start I can!
Now two weeks post Total Gastrectomy and 3 weeks Post C-section, a few new battle scars and over 10 liters of pure gold breastmilk in storage for my little man I am feeling great ( minus the tiredness but what mum of three isn’t tired) I’m not sure how but MUM POWER is my guess!
Don’t get me wrong I have had many a moments over the last few weeks were the tears well up right there ready to burst out (I keep them there mostly because I’m scared that if I have a good old belly cry it may still hurt a little haha) , I have no doubt one day they will come but for now I’m just to distracted and busy!
As I sit next to Alfie in his Special Care Crib and stare at him I can’t help but think of that day I was told “it’s you or your baby”! How very different this day could be, but today I am feeding you, bathing you, cuddling you and thanking my lucky stars we are both here to enjoy these things together!
It wasn’t the start I wanted for you little man but it is a start with a happy ending